Wow, 2 months since I last wrote. It has been an emotional couple of months. Not in a bad way but in a healing way. I came to the realization that while I am not fully prepared for some of the things life throws at me there are others that I am truly ready for. I have gotten to the place where I can forgive myself for not being emotionally ready to "deal" with some of the things I have tried to accomplish. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't keep trying, I just won't be as hard on myself for breaking down...I'll eventually get there and when I do it will be right for me. Vague thoughts,I know, but sometimes it's hard to swim through the grief.
I went to Las Vegas for a girls weekend at the end of June. It was great to just take myself out of my comfort zone. Though it was hard not talking to Edgar for 3 days. I was not supposed to call or text them other then to let him know that I arrived in Las Vegas then returned to Fresno safely. Sophia kinda of blew that theory. Yup, she knows my cell number and the "Mama, when are you coming home" phone calls started Saturday morning. The time away allowed me to calm my thoughts and find my balance again. I came to some important decisions and they helped to bring some more peace to my life.
I also had another momentous marking during the last 2 months...I turned 40! I don't know where the time has gone. There are some days when I still feel young and vibrant while others feel like I am older then dirt and life is draining away...most days I am happily in between with so much to learn and accomplish that a lifetime is not enough.
Need to sign off before I'm done writing...Pia requires my attention.
Much Love,
Roni
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1 comment:
Grief sure is a roller coaster. And there is no time limit on it. Time doesn't heal all wounds, maybe it makes them more tolerable. Losing a loved one, especially a child is a wound that never heals. the way you grieve will change, but you will always grieve that loss. I pray, that her memory brings you more smiles than tears soon. Love you Roni.
Your Friend,
Laura Goyette
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