Natalia’s birthday was easier to get through this year. We had 21 months to process the emotions of her not being by our sides. It was truly beautiful in Monterey this year. The sun was shining and the weather amazing. We spent most of our time on the beach playing with her. Sophia and I wrote her messages in the sand while Edgar flew her kite as high as he could. The aquarium was probably the hardest moment for me. Sophia demanded a picture be taken of her in the giant clam. While I love to measure how much she has grown each time we visit by how the clam keeps getting smaller, seeing her in it without Natalia at her side is always crushing. I hear Natalia’s laughter and her joy at discovery in every corner of the Aquarium. We had cupcakes and Chinese food for her celebration. Then we all watched the sun set over the bay…all bright pinks and purples for Natalia.
Hard to believe Natalia’s Angelversary is coming up on March 26th. She will have been gone 2 years…God saying that does not make it any easier. In fact, I tried my best to put it completely from my mind until Edgar asked what I wanted to do for it this year. When I think back on it I remember a slide show of events: feeling her last breath, screaming for Edgar, watching the firemen call it, felling her soul fly from her body and out the window, calling a friend and asking her to bring Sophia home right away, deciding what to be taken with for her cremation. Everything else is a blur. Thank God we had taken care of most the details of what we wanted done prior to her death because there is no way we would have been in any condition to do it after.
Edgar had the best idea of how to honor the day. (I won’t say celebrate) We are heading to San Francisco for the day. Going to hit the Wharf, go to the 24 hour donut place for a chocolate donut and maybe get some Chinese from our favorite place. I think I also want to spend some time walking around Golden Gate Park. Natalia spent a lot of time walking in that park while going through treatment. Edgar did a fantastic job keeping her spirits and strength up by taking her for walks, Wednesday donuts and singing to her favorite tunes. For those of you not with us, may I suggest Chinese food and blowing bubbles!
Much love to you all…I have to get back to work!
Roni
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I miss you guys so much! My heart hurts for you, I cannot even imagine the pain your family has endured over the last few years. I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you! Love SHirley Stine
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