Counting the Hours

Two years tomorrow…24 months…730 days…17,520 hours…1,051,200 minutes…can you imagine? I hope not. I hope you never have to imagine the horror of it.

This week has been tough. Emotions just all over the place. Tuesday and Thursday I was crying at the drop of a hat. The worst…Sophia came to me Monday night and said she couldn’t remember how Natalia looked unless she was looking at a picture or seeing her in a dream. She was crushed…Edgar and I were crushed. She is still mad at God for not bring her sister back to her. She still asks Him in her prayers for sissy to come home. At times, I hurt more for Sophia then for myself. I see how she looks at other families with siblings and the longing on her face for her best friend and always ready partner in crime.

I have always used Natalia as a benchmark for Sophia’s growth…physically and mentally. Saturday is the last time I can do that. There is 27 months between them. Sophia turns 7 in April and Natalia will be forever 7. Sophia will become her own benchmark…not that she hasn’t always been unique but now she will be the trailblazer. At least, for the moment, I still have some of Natalia’s clothes for her to grow into. That helps remind her that she is the little sister. She wears one of Natalia’s sweaters when she feels the need to be closer to her. The red sweater hangs on her but Sophia says she feels like Natalia is hugging her and she sees how close she is getting to Natalia’s size. I don’t think she will wear many of the clothes as they didn’t have the same taste but, according to Pia, “we keep them until I am big enough to fit in them. THEN I will decide.” She doesn’t want to let go either.

Much Love,
Roni