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It was a good long weekend for us. Edgar and I finally unwound a bit. By the time we left Sunday afternoon I was just heart sore and exhausted...this time in a good way. I can actually feel myself starting to catch up on that bone deep tiredness.

Saturday was such a beautiful day. Thank you to all our friends and family who were able to share it with us. The sun was out and the wind had gone away. I thought we would have to go out of the bay and into the ocean to spread her ashes but that was not the case...we were able to spread them in the center of the bay so she could be with everything she loved. There was peace to know that not only was her soul in a beautiful place but now her body was in the most beautiful spot we could pick. When we got back to land...by the way Redd is definitely not a water dog, he was not impressed with the boat at all...we took everyone to Natalia's favorite ice cream spot for tasty treats.

Later that afternoon, Pia was playing in the ocean, holding her arms up to the sky and calling for sissy to come play with her...it was awesome! We all relaxed and watched the sunset from the hotel...when I say relaxed, I do fully mean it. I could actually feel that last bit of tightness in me loosen while the sun went down. I could feel Natalia unbound from her earthly chains. Thank you everyone for making sure we had fun Saturday night. Leaving on Sunday was still hard...driving away from our oldest child...heart palpations hit by Gilroy and I just started praying...it's gotten me through so many tough times then, now...always. By the time we got home all 3 of us were exhausted. I slept on and off the rest of the day. Pia cuddled in bed with Redd and watched "her" shows while Papa relaxed as only a cop can by looking at guns online. LOL...it made me laugh whenever I came out of the bedroom.

Moment for shameless plug...you all know I manage an apartment complex, so I have access to some wonderful businesses and people...A friend asked if she could do anything for us and I finally took her up on it because A)housework has not been a priority these last couple weeks(while my house was not a pigpen it was not normal for us) and B)Edgar's sister Nagchielli is coming for a visit this upcoming Saturday. MG Janitorial is the name of Terry's company and they do an incredible job. My house was spotless and it was such a major relief to walk in and have it be amazing...it is part of the reason that I got to sleep on and off for the rest of the day. So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TERRY!

Today we need to take some of Natalia's favorite things to Serenity for them to use on her table tomorrow. We also are going to call the Fresno Bee and let them have it with both barrels...they misspelled her name on her obituary yesterday...we went over the proof at Serenity on Wednesday and everything was good...one spelling change...but when we saw the paper yesterday, the name they put under her picture was "Natalie Joy Valle"...I don't have a NataliE. It was correct throughout the rest of the story...mad was minor compared to what we were. Tomorrow is the Celebration...honestly, the closer it gets the more I want to push it back...it is like letting go again...but that is not what Natalia was all about...we go forward no matter what...she will be honored...then I stop and think...she would have had a blast at it so you know what...so should I...she is never far from me...whenever my heart is sore I pray and the Lord comforts me and for a moment I can feel Talia's arms around me and I know...It's going to be okay.

Praying...I have never been an out loud prayer...it bugs me...not for others, I actually admire that some people have the ability to do it...I just never have. I have always felt like I have this internal line to God...even as a kid I would just have long running conversations in my head with him. My faith has been tested throughout life but I have always known that that line was there and all I had to do was use it and the Lord would answer. It brings me peace...kind of like going to your happy place...well that line is part of my happy place. Sometimes I feel lacking because I find it hard to pray out loud...then I talk to the Lord about it and the answer is always the same...just talk to me and you will be fine. Enough for now...Pia just woke up and time for breakfast.

Much love to you all,
Roni