As we enter the final day of 2009, we take the time to reflect on the highs and lows of the past year. Reflection is good...but you can not let the past hold you down like an anchor around your neck. There are always bright moments no matter how dark it might have seen at the time. My brightest moment...in the darkest time...feeling Natalia's soul leave her little body and fly out the window and straight up to God's waiting arms. To know that she was free of pain and able to fly high after all she had been through...priceless.
Well, we made it through Christmas. Thank you God, for this incredible house. I truly believe that having to move mid-December saved our sanity. It kept us so busy that we didn't think too much about Christmas fast approaching. There were just too many other things that we needed to get done. We spent Christmas Eve at my parent's house with all my family. It was fun to watch Preston and Pia open their presents. We put on our bright happy faces but without Natalia there it just felt incomplete. I had made the decision to stay home Christmas Day about a week before. I knew, or thought I knew, what I was going to be like...not pretty to be around. We ended up inviting friends over to have dinner with us...probably our best decision. Christmas morning found Edgar and I snapping at each other. It's what we do when the pain gets too much. We got over it pretty quick, it was just so hard to see just one child's presents under the tree...Santa took a letter from Sophia to her sister and brought her a present from Natalia. According to Sophia the best present was her trampoline...ok so Mama & Papa love it too. That afternoon, Marcy & AJ, Jeannine & Ryan and their boys Brett & Conner helped us officially open the house. It was an awesome dinner filed with love and laughter. Truly the best medicine!!!
I wish you all the brightest of New Year.
"It's all in your heart. You have to be strong in your heart."-Natalia Valle
Much Love,
Roni
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
I Had to Post This
"Natalia's elegy"...
Natalia Joy Valle
The sister i wasn't given
But we will be siblings always!
She looked up to me
I looked over her
A relationship never broken!
I cannot express enough
The heart that little girl had!
Now that she has passed
She may swim with the fishes
And fly with the butterflies
Her two favorite things!
But the tumor that had taken her away
Couldn't take everything!
It was like an angry beast
Destroying everything in its wake
Except her spirit!
She smiled through it all
Even when everyone else was struggling
She was steady!
Oh the hatred i can so feel toward the monstrosity
Oh the pain she felt that brave little girl
If the sun shall set,
I will ALWAYS know
That my little angel sister will resurrect it once again!
I love you Natalia
By Brett Luckey
Natalia Joy Valle
The sister i wasn't given
But we will be siblings always!
She looked up to me
I looked over her
A relationship never broken!
I cannot express enough
The heart that little girl had!
Now that she has passed
She may swim with the fishes
And fly with the butterflies
Her two favorite things!
But the tumor that had taken her away
Couldn't take everything!
It was like an angry beast
Destroying everything in its wake
Except her spirit!
She smiled through it all
Even when everyone else was struggling
She was steady!
Oh the hatred i can so feel toward the monstrosity
Oh the pain she felt that brave little girl
If the sun shall set,
I will ALWAYS know
That my little angel sister will resurrect it once again!
I love you Natalia
By Brett Luckey
Thursday, December 17, 2009
One of Those Days!
Yup...alone, at work, in the complete embrace of the fog. It has already been one of those schizophrenic mornings. Crying one moment, smiling the next. Probably better that my co-worker called in sick(yeah right). Sophia's kindergarten class is having their Christmas party today. At least this move has put the holiday at the back of my mind. If I start to think about it I go sideways. We do plan to buy a real tree this year as soon as we can get all the boxes out of the living room. It just hurts to think about it. As for sending out Christmas cards...not this year...to hard to sign them. Having to sign all of our names over and over...So here it is "Merry Christmas and Happy New to you all!!!!"
Well everything is at the new house. Now we get to put it all away...actually discover things we forgot we had. Let's hear it for Lowes...Home Depot mucked us around for over two weeks before they said they could not do all of our blinds...Lowes not only told us they could do all the windows but the blinds were delivered to our house YESTERDAY...six days after ordering. Now we are just waiting for them to be installed. Then we need to figure where all our pictures are going to go. We had talked about doing a housewarming/Christmas party. Ha! It took us 3 days to find our cutting board. So the housewarming will probably be after the New Year.
We've decided that I am going to take a bit of time off after my last day of work...tomorrow. It will not only be good for my mental health but Pia needs some Momma time. I will get the house completely (at least for the moment) the way I want it. I think that is why I feel relaxed coming to the end of my job. I have spent the past 7 years here and while I seriously dislike the reason I have to leave...I am going on my terms and can take the time to find something I want to do for the next chapter of my life. Life is over too quickly to let the things you can not control take over. Take the hit, then breathe deep and do what is best for you and yours. Make decisions with as clear a head as possible. Breathe Deep and do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it. So when I am ready to work again...I will be asking!
This blog has seriously helped me to keep my sanity over the past year and half. To know that while I do not know if people keep reading it, someone who needs it will stumble across it while searching the web for any kind of comfort during the cancer storm. I stumbled across another mother's blog this time last year. Her child had the same type of brain cancer that Natalia did. He also lost his battle. Her written words of the highs and lows of life helped me in ways I can not express. Her pain was to great to keep writing but Shannon if you read this know how much you helped me through. To know that you are not alone in your feelings. To know that what you are feeling is not wrong. To know that the is no problem out there that has not been faced time and again but that how you deal with those problems is what make each of us different. These blogs/journals help us all to look at life just a little bit differently.
Much Love,
Roni
Well everything is at the new house. Now we get to put it all away...actually discover things we forgot we had. Let's hear it for Lowes...Home Depot mucked us around for over two weeks before they said they could not do all of our blinds...Lowes not only told us they could do all the windows but the blinds were delivered to our house YESTERDAY...six days after ordering. Now we are just waiting for them to be installed. Then we need to figure where all our pictures are going to go. We had talked about doing a housewarming/Christmas party. Ha! It took us 3 days to find our cutting board. So the housewarming will probably be after the New Year.
We've decided that I am going to take a bit of time off after my last day of work...tomorrow. It will not only be good for my mental health but Pia needs some Momma time. I will get the house completely (at least for the moment) the way I want it. I think that is why I feel relaxed coming to the end of my job. I have spent the past 7 years here and while I seriously dislike the reason I have to leave...I am going on my terms and can take the time to find something I want to do for the next chapter of my life. Life is over too quickly to let the things you can not control take over. Take the hit, then breathe deep and do what is best for you and yours. Make decisions with as clear a head as possible. Breathe Deep and do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it. So when I am ready to work again...I will be asking!
This blog has seriously helped me to keep my sanity over the past year and half. To know that while I do not know if people keep reading it, someone who needs it will stumble across it while searching the web for any kind of comfort during the cancer storm. I stumbled across another mother's blog this time last year. Her child had the same type of brain cancer that Natalia did. He also lost his battle. Her written words of the highs and lows of life helped me in ways I can not express. Her pain was to great to keep writing but Shannon if you read this know how much you helped me through. To know that you are not alone in your feelings. To know that what you are feeling is not wrong. To know that the is no problem out there that has not been faced time and again but that how you deal with those problems is what make each of us different. These blogs/journals help us all to look at life just a little bit differently.
Much Love,
Roni
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Big News
Well, this has been in the works for a few but because of certain issues involved and the fact that it is just a royal pain in the behind we have not wanted to talk openly about it.
WE BOUGHT A HOUSE...OUR FIRST!!!!
We have been looking since June and found our new home on the last day of September...got keys the night before Thanksgiving and will be moved in by December 15th. We had bids on a couple of other houses but when we saw this one it was just our home. It feels right! Our original plan was to buy the house and then lease it out for a year while we saved more money...my job as a resident manager of an apartment complex comes with an apartment...BUT...we have chosen to move into the house...which...means I am out of a job. You can not be a resident manager if you are not a resident. We have learned over the past year not to put off being happy. We would not be happy if we allowed someone else to live in our home.
Soooo, if anyone knows off a good place that is hiring, please let me know. LOL!
Sophia has her room all picked out. It is the smallest of the bedrooms but it has a huge window that is low enough for her to look out of and a huge walk-in closet. The neighborhood is small and everyone knows each other. It is kind of small town feel in our big city. We have met quiet a few of our neighbors and love the house even more now. I will post pictures soon I promise!
Much Love,
Roni
WE BOUGHT A HOUSE...OUR FIRST!!!!
We have been looking since June and found our new home on the last day of September...got keys the night before Thanksgiving and will be moved in by December 15th. We had bids on a couple of other houses but when we saw this one it was just our home. It feels right! Our original plan was to buy the house and then lease it out for a year while we saved more money...my job as a resident manager of an apartment complex comes with an apartment...BUT...we have chosen to move into the house...which...means I am out of a job. You can not be a resident manager if you are not a resident. We have learned over the past year not to put off being happy. We would not be happy if we allowed someone else to live in our home.
Soooo, if anyone knows off a good place that is hiring, please let me know. LOL!
Sophia has her room all picked out. It is the smallest of the bedrooms but it has a huge window that is low enough for her to look out of and a huge walk-in closet. The neighborhood is small and everyone knows each other. It is kind of small town feel in our big city. We have met quiet a few of our neighbors and love the house even more now. I will post pictures soon I promise!
Much Love,
Roni
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