“Breathe Deep” is something I say a lot to people now. It has become my mantra when things seem to be spinning out of control. When you are filled with fear, doubt, and pain or anger that is the time to breathe deep. Take that moment to just inhale slowly in through your nose and exhale slowly from your mouth. It seems so simple, but it’s not. We often forget to take that moment and end up running in circles. Take that moment when your mind will not settle down, breathe deep and find your center….that is usually the moment that I once again realize that I am not in control of life, God is. It lightens the load and allows me to focus once again. To come to the realization that no matter how much you do, you are not fully in control of your life helps to bring peace to that life. For me that “simple” act of breathing deep, finding my calm in the storm and asking God’s help restores me. That “simple” act helps me to find the answers I need. I don’t always like the answers but there they are.
The right answer may not contain the outcome you want. To stop Natalia’s treatment was the right answer. It was awful and unwanted but it was the right thing to do. For us to say to her at the end of her life that it was ok to let go and be with God hurt with every fiber of our being shouting NONONONONONO but it was the right thing to do. Everything else we do in life now seems a bit easier because we did what was right even though it was the last thing on earth that we wanted to do. Right now we are making decisions that seem hard but releasing control into God’s hands and asking for guidance not only brings peace but total confidence in the chosen path.
So everyone, just breathe deep.
Much love,
Roni
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Time
This week's thought is time...when you're a child each moment is slow and each day seems like it lasts forever. As you grow older, time speeds up until it slips through your fingers like grains of sand. It is like weaving, when you first begin it is very slow going and you fumble. As time passes you become more experienced and your fingers fly. Each moment in time is a different thread and you begin to realize that life is fleeting and some threads of time will need to last you a lifetime. I think a lot in moments these days. I remember in vivid detail expressions, words, laughs and tears. There are times when I feel that is all there is. But those moments are part of a whole...a whole person...a whole lifetime. The best part of that lifetime would be left out if just moments of it are remembered. They must be put together so that the tapestry of life can be enjoyed to its fullest. God looks at the whole not the moment. He sees the good, the bad and the ugly. He understands the mixed up cluster that humans are and weaves the threads of our life together. Do not let just one moment in time ruin what could be an amazing life of experience as a whole. You may hear "it is time to move on" or "just get over it" but that does not exist. These people and moments are threaded into our entire being. They are part of our tapestry and can not be moved. They need to be enjoyed as part of our whole. The pain will never truly go away but become less focused as its thread gets dispersed throughout the entire tapestry of our lifetime.
See what a nasty cold, Sophia losing her first tooth and me thinking too much leads to. Yes, I brought home the flu from vacation....lovely present to myself. I finally gave into its nastiness on Friday and stayed home. I ached and no rest all week kind of sent me reeling by weeks end. I am sure most you have this bugger by now but, if not, watch out it is awful. When I feel sick is usually when I remember all the bad moments with Natalia...ie the bad MRI's and the final few days. No one likes seeing their child in pain, especially extreme pain that you can not make "all better". These memories, for a time, blot out all the happy memories. Just because she was sick does not mean that our time together were not happy times. We made the most of our time because we knew it was to be short. We packed as many smiles as we could into several short months because we knew would have to live off those smiles for the rest of our lives. When you are at a low point, that is when other low points all seem to gather together and make everything seem worse. My choice...put it before God and ask for help...what was his response...Sophia lost her tooth...Seeing her joy that she was growing up made me remember Natalia's joy for the same reason. It made me remember all the full of life and joy toothless grins and belly laughs of my oldest child. God helped me to remember that although it was a short life, Natalia had a wonderful life, with wonderful people who loved her. I once again can pull back from that single moment and see the whole...and it is BEAUTIFUL!
Okay, done with being deep. Sophia wants me to check out her "clean" room...ie she moved all the mess to under her bed. On a lighter note before I go, Pia played in her first soccer game yesterday. It was so awesome to see her having fun. I screamed, I cheered, I laughed my BUTT off. The 'Lil Monsters kicked serious butt. My youngest can run and is very good at taking the ball from the other team...if she learns some more ball control she will be amazing...well I already think she is amazing but that is the Mom in me. Hey...I can actually say I am a soccer mom now.
I am just getting our laptop back up and running so as soon as I am comfortable with it I will add some new pictures.
Much Love,
Roni
See what a nasty cold, Sophia losing her first tooth and me thinking too much leads to. Yes, I brought home the flu from vacation....lovely present to myself. I finally gave into its nastiness on Friday and stayed home. I ached and no rest all week kind of sent me reeling by weeks end. I am sure most you have this bugger by now but, if not, watch out it is awful. When I feel sick is usually when I remember all the bad moments with Natalia...ie the bad MRI's and the final few days. No one likes seeing their child in pain, especially extreme pain that you can not make "all better". These memories, for a time, blot out all the happy memories. Just because she was sick does not mean that our time together were not happy times. We made the most of our time because we knew it was to be short. We packed as many smiles as we could into several short months because we knew would have to live off those smiles for the rest of our lives. When you are at a low point, that is when other low points all seem to gather together and make everything seem worse. My choice...put it before God and ask for help...what was his response...Sophia lost her tooth...Seeing her joy that she was growing up made me remember Natalia's joy for the same reason. It made me remember all the full of life and joy toothless grins and belly laughs of my oldest child. God helped me to remember that although it was a short life, Natalia had a wonderful life, with wonderful people who loved her. I once again can pull back from that single moment and see the whole...and it is BEAUTIFUL!
Okay, done with being deep. Sophia wants me to check out her "clean" room...ie she moved all the mess to under her bed. On a lighter note before I go, Pia played in her first soccer game yesterday. It was so awesome to see her having fun. I screamed, I cheered, I laughed my BUTT off. The 'Lil Monsters kicked serious butt. My youngest can run and is very good at taking the ball from the other team...if she learns some more ball control she will be amazing...well I already think she is amazing but that is the Mom in me. Hey...I can actually say I am a soccer mom now.
I am just getting our laptop back up and running so as soon as I am comfortable with it I will add some new pictures.
Much Love,
Roni
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Family Vacation
The much needed vacation was awesome!!!
We all got up on time Friday morning and actually left the house on time. We dropped off Redd at my parents. He was to have his vacation by having an actual yard to play in for 4 days. We then went to Enterprise to pick up the car we were renting...Edgar wanted a completely stress free vacation and leaving our car in a strange parking lot for 4 days was not in those plans...the funny thing is that we were supposed to be renting a large 4 door sadan but because it was not turned back into the lot on time we ended up with a Tahoe for the same price(I drive a Yukon), so, we basically drove the same car to Long Beach. LOL!
Embarcation was strange for Edgar and I. We are sooo used to seeing it from the other side. To be standing on deck on a ship again was an amazingly, wonderful feeling. Sophia was blown away by the sheer size of the ship. Yes, we admit it Edgar and I are cruising snobs. We spent most of the first afternoon comparing Carnival to Princess and yes, Carnival came up short. To say they are very relaxed in the way they do things is putting mild. We are very used to spit & polish and a very strict way of looking and acting. Dinner that first night changed things a bit for us. The food was excellent and our waiters were wonderful. Of course, our hot button is Sophia, or as they called her "Princess Sophia". She had so much fun and we walked a lot of stairs because she loves to go up and down them. They had Carnival Campus for the little ones and she always had one activity or other going on...Bubble Dancing anyone!!! She also loved the production shows. The last night we had to sit in the very front row so she could see them up close and personal. Edgar was happy because they had a cigar bar onboard and I got my "Aroma Stone" massage. We came away from the cruise with our batteries recharged.
Much Love,
Roni
We all got up on time Friday morning and actually left the house on time. We dropped off Redd at my parents. He was to have his vacation by having an actual yard to play in for 4 days. We then went to Enterprise to pick up the car we were renting...Edgar wanted a completely stress free vacation and leaving our car in a strange parking lot for 4 days was not in those plans...the funny thing is that we were supposed to be renting a large 4 door sadan but because it was not turned back into the lot on time we ended up with a Tahoe for the same price(I drive a Yukon), so, we basically drove the same car to Long Beach. LOL!
Embarcation was strange for Edgar and I. We are sooo used to seeing it from the other side. To be standing on deck on a ship again was an amazingly, wonderful feeling. Sophia was blown away by the sheer size of the ship. Yes, we admit it Edgar and I are cruising snobs. We spent most of the first afternoon comparing Carnival to Princess and yes, Carnival came up short. To say they are very relaxed in the way they do things is putting mild. We are very used to spit & polish and a very strict way of looking and acting. Dinner that first night changed things a bit for us. The food was excellent and our waiters were wonderful. Of course, our hot button is Sophia, or as they called her "Princess Sophia". She had so much fun and we walked a lot of stairs because she loves to go up and down them. They had Carnival Campus for the little ones and she always had one activity or other going on...Bubble Dancing anyone!!! She also loved the production shows. The last night we had to sit in the very front row so she could see them up close and personal. Edgar was happy because they had a cigar bar onboard and I got my "Aroma Stone" massage. We came away from the cruise with our batteries recharged.
Much Love,
Roni
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