I used to know what sleep was...before our final trip to UCSF. Now I think it teases me. It looms just past my cloudy mind. I've been trying to wear myself out at night to get to sleep but bedtime is slowly creeping later and later. Then I seem to wake up about 3am with little hope to get back to sleep. By the time my body finally passes out Sophia is standing next to the bed wanting me to go out to the living room with her and make her breakfast. Last night I tried a glass of red wine...alcohol has not been much on our list of things to have for the past 11 months, too many things could have happened and we wanted full senses at all times...usually 1 glass of red will relax me enough to fall gently to sleep but then Edgar came home from studing for a test he is taking on Thursday and needed to talk. Keep in mind he works swings so his best time of day is when I am usually falling asleep, needless to say I was up till after midnight...another 3am wake up...back to sleep close to 6am...Pia waking me up at 6:30am. Of course, it didn't help that I had to write Natalia's obiterary last night and choose some of her favorite music. I really do not know how parents who lose their child in an instant go on. We had 11 months to know that she would need a miracle to stay with us and the last month to really say goodbye. We are coping but it is extremely hard at times. How can parents who don't have that opportunity cope? Children are the future and when one is lost so is a piece of that future. What would they have accomplished if they had been given the chance to live? Thank God, we have our faith. To be absolute in the knowledge that Natalia is in God's arms and know that she is running, playing, loving and doing as only she could...only better now because she can help the world know God's light. Hold your children tight, make sure they feel secure and you tell them you love them often because it can all be gone in the blink of an eye. Make sure you don't have any regrets because the should ofs and would haves don't mean anything once someone is gone.
Actually thinking about writing a book about life, love and coping...what do you think? I just don't want another family to feel as alone in brain tumor land as we felt...yes we had all of you but no one knows until they walk the path just what it entails and there are so very few of us...Thank God!
Much love,
Roni
7 comments:
If you ever need to CRY,LAUGH,SCREAM CUSS OR VENT @ 3AM CALL ME!
Love you sister,
Angela
Interesting that you mention writing a book. As I have been reading this blog from the start, I always thought "Wow, Roni should write a book". I think it's a wonderful idea, and a great tribute to Natalia!
Love,
Laura Goyette
Roni,
Iam here for you should you ever need someone for whatever reason or no reason at all even if you just need someone to lean on and cry I am here for you. I think you should write a book. Sometimes writing helps get out pent up feelings and helps you heal at the same time. I know that has helped me. Just know that there is a shoulder here to lean on should you need it.
Christi Steinhauer(april's mom)
Hi! I wish I had looked for your site a long time ago. I saw on the news that Natalia had pased away. I am so sorry for your loss but I am glad that she is now healed in our Lord's loving arms. My osn also has a brain tumor - a lower grade and spinal tumors as well...he is doing good.....I wanted to reach out to you when I first heard your story and I neve did.....I am sorry for that.....You and your family are in my prayers.
Karen Hatfield, Isaac's Mom
www.caringbridge.org/visit/isaachatfield
I think writting a book is an excellent idea and I believe it would serve as an valuable tool to others. Please do seriously consider it! The loss of Natalia and your love for life makes you a great teacher for those who don't or can't yet see the beauty in having faith in God.
I think it would be an awesome book for Sophia to read years from now. I know that I personally would purchase it to share with Malia. Someone that special cannot ever be forgotten. And I want Malia to remember that she knew her.
Definitely, write that book. My husband and I have commented several times about what a great writer you are. You put into words in such a way that we know what is in your heart and soul. You have a gift for reaching out to others with the written word. Yes, definitely, write that book.
Consider these self publishing sites:
1.Dogearpublishing.net
2.Tatepublishing.com
3. Authorhouse.com
4.Publishamericia.com
One friend of mine did a publishing with Author House and was very pleased with the results
however, some of the above site may offer a better financial package with more advertisement.
Take time to review the sites and see what best suits your needs.
Many Blessings,
Abby (Ashlee & Brookes Grandma)
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