Hard Week

Yes it has been. I don't know why but the tears have been so close to the surface for both Edgar and I this week. The slightest thing sets me off and the water works just keep coming. Edgar and I have been very in tune with each other over the course of our marriage. He is one of those husbands that you hear about...you know...the ones that get morning sickness with you, feel generally icky with you and feel great with you. Now we feel our grief together too.

I decided to do something positive today...I cleaned up the playroom. It has been the catch all storage room for most of the winter and since it is filled with both girls things I haven't wanted to put myself through going through all of Natalia's toys, books, blankets and just general stuff. I decided this morning that Sophia needed her place to play back. Two giant garbage bags later...OMG there is carpet under there. Amazing how many Happy Meal toys and paper and broken things seem to accumulate in six months. The good thing was many of the things were both girls...or at least they shared so much that I can no longer remember whose they were originally. But the things that were exclusively Natalia's...I could feel my heart crushing. But I got through it...then quickly put away laundry tonight...got through the playroom so putting away Pia's clothes was much easier tonight.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day...happiness to every Mom reading this. It is a double edge sword here. Sophia is...Sophia. It is hard to be sad for too long around her...but I miss Natalia so much. It overwhelms me sometimes. Then Pia does something so Pia just cause she knows I'm sad and I remember...it's okay to miss her but I can't let that take away from the life that we need to make without her physically here. I can't curl up in a ball and let the world go by. There is too much to be done...too many things that we are able to do because Natalia showed us that we can help the world one person at a time. We know what it is like to receive a card from someone we don't know saying their thoughts and prayers are with us...we know what it's like to have a sandwich with a gift card...fill our car with gas from a gift card...have a small note on 1 colorful fish multiple into the hundreds. Someone out there took a moment to help make our lives a little brighter...now it is our turn.

Much Love to you all,
Roni