Time and the flu

My new Weldon Warrior loves her school. She loves to be a Kindergartner. She loves to be on the "big kid" side of her daycare. Actually, what do I call it now? It's not pre-school and to call it daycare sounds very baby"ish" for my big girl. She was so scared to be on that dark side but...OMG they have an air hockey table, big pool, bigger tables and REAL big kids. Pia is a very happy camper.

The first week of school. WOW! We survived...Sophia thrived!

I have spent the majority of the week fighting stomache flu. I thought it was just the sushi we had as a celebratory 1st day of school dinner. Yes, I know most of you are saying the raw fish but...when I finally ate a full meal again on Wednesday it hit me again that night. I spent Thursday at home trying to recover. Friday I was feeling a little better. I am still trying to get rid of the headache that came with losing tons of water and the still occasional cramping. I dropped Pia off at school and dropped by the office to try and learn just what is going on with the Weldon PTC this year...got some answers but will learn more on Monday...will let those of you who want to know more after that. As I was leaving campus, Natalia's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Yager gave me an envelop with some things in it. Let me first say they were beyond amazing but they really knocked me for a loop. This week has been extremely difficult to keep sad thoughts from clouding Sophia's achievements. Natalia loved going to school so much. I loved around everytime I visit the campus and can picture her there, loving every minute of it. Maybe the pictures of Natalia running in the Jog-a-thon and an American flag with her picture on it wouldn't have sent me around the bend if I was feeling 100% healthy but I wasn't. It took until mid-afternoon before I could stop the tears from instantly coming. I mean there she was healthy, happy and RUNNING. With her giant smile on her face. I could hear her laughing, those wonderful belly laughs of hers, and it alternated between bringing great joy and great heartbreak. And I would cry with both emotions...a lot. It was almost breaking me apart. I haven't had a moment like that since just after she passed. But...a little more sleep and focus...I was better by the time I had to pick up Pia.

I think we will always have moments like this that hit like a surprise storm. They blow up fast and clear out lots of cobwebs. They can bring pain and suffering but they also can bring a new focus and wash away some of the heartache. I think we hold so much of our emotions in because we don't want to break apart...we can't afford the cost of closing ourselves off from the world even when it is what we most want to do. It would do more damage, not only to ourselves, but, to those closest to us. Take that moment and embrace it...it can help keep you sane...then move forward.

Much love,
Roni

"The Best Day Of My Life"

Those were Sophia's words to describe her first day of kindergarten. She is now on day 3 and still loving it...just not the getting up a half hour earlier then normal. Today we signed her up for soccer. Let the fun begin! Will write more later...

Much Love,
Roni

Hodgepodge of Stuff

This post will probably make little sense. I just feel the need to say some STUFF. Maybe if I do it will help the funk that I seem to have gotten into.

**I hate having to tell people that Natalia has died. The people that know I have 2 girls and are just questioning their welfare. They don't know...they certainly don't mean harm. I love the fact that they remember and care enough to ask after the girls. It just shuts me down and brings waves of pain to have to say the words. I hate the look in their eyes and the knowledge that they now feel guilty for having asked an otherwise perfectly wonderful question.

**I dream...it used to come almost every night...now just once in a while but is getting more vivid with each visit. I walk into our bedroom where Talia is laying while my parents are talking to her. I feel her and she is not breathing. I go to the doorway and yell for Edgar in a voice that doesn't sound like mine. He grabs her up and cries. I lay beside her just touching her. I see the firemen and police come into the room to make the call as I lay next to her. Then I feel her spirit rise up, rush through me and out the window. The feeling made me jump up and the verticles at the window were moving. She was gone...no longer in our care. I wake up feeling like I have just had to say goodbye again. While I know she is with God and no longer in pain, my heart still hurts.

**Just cause...stupid people iratate me...I know I need to show patience and I am sooo much better at not opening my mouth but COME ON...how do they even survive the day?

**Things happen...butterflies appearing and fluttering around me when I need that extra lift in the day. A white dove that seems to only come to the building by my office when I just want to crawl back under the covers and hide from the world for a little while. Talia's favorite songs on the radio when your driving around feeling down. Things that say no matter what she is still here for us.

**I cry a lot lately for no apparent reason...sucks...I hate to cry...gives me a headache and ruins my makeup. I stopped wearing mascra on my bottom lashes when Natalia first got sick. A fellow blond cancer mom told me about doing this...still have the top on so that it looks like I have some lashes without the racoon look.

**I love that Pia is growing to be strong and independent. I could do without the attitude and mouth that seems to be coming with it...but for the most part she makes me so proud. She told me she was holding hands with sissy while we walked out to the car this morning.

That's all I can think of now. I guess it is enough.

Much Love,
Roni

OMG Kindergarten

Miss Sophia is ready for Kindergarten. She went this morning for her assessment test with Mrs McMillian. She did fabulous!! I was so proud of her. She rocked it. She was so proud of herself and eager to start at Weldon. August 24th can not come fast enough for her. I can not wait for her...I also don't want her to go...my baby is starting school...we're getting old...she's getting old. Next it will be driving and dating...thank God we know a lot of officers...with flashlights...who are real big...and look real mean. LOL!!!! Poor teenage Pia.

This morning was also hard for me. I had to go back into Natalia's old kindergarten room and look at where she used to sit and learn. I was great as long as I focused on Sophia but then when I let my eyes wonder, memories would hit me. They are wonderful, happy memories. I just miss her so much. I think having Sophia in the same room will be good for all 3 of us. Sophia will be surrounded by teachers that knew her sister and, something huge for Pia, if Natalia did it first...then it was ok for her to do too. She is not afraid to walk into the classroom and do her thing because Talia was there first and showed Pia that everything was awesome.

Something just to make everyone smile...Sophia is insisting that she needs to lose a tooth. She is after all 5. Sissy lost 4 teeth while she was 5 and some of her friends at school have lost their teeth. When are her teeth coming out! The tooth fairy needs to visit our house and bring her some cash for her teeth now!

Much love,
Roni

What a Week

This week was both incredibly fun and incredibly painful...read on!

All three of us have been missing Natalia terribly bad these past couple weeks. Not that we don't always miss her...we just usually do a better job of coping with all the emotions that go with it. I think a lot of it had to do with the anniversary of our Cancun trip. It was an amazing time in our lives with so many intense emotions attached to it. We are doing a better now.

On to the fun...I got a phone call from Make A Wish on Tuesday morning asking if we would like to go to the Jonas Brothers concert. Well, all of you parents to young girls know the JO BROS....Talia thought Nick was hot, and Pia thinks Joe is toooo cute. So Wednesday night off the 3 of us went to see the Jo Bros. It was great to see that Edgar was not the only father that was attending. My God, the absolute volume that girls can be when in mass. Jordan Sparks opened and Pia was in heaven. We only stayed until 9pm...Sophia was tired. She had her final swim lesson of the season that afternoon and was extremely tired but boogeying with the best on them. Jan Thomas and Pia's coach, Christine, were amazing. Pia has mastered 5 stokes...front & back crawl, front & back breast stroke...and butterfly. She just glides through the water. She got her medal and a DVD of her showing off all her moves. She will be back next season. (Jan Thomas...expensive...yes, worth it...priceless. This place is amazing in the way they can teach kids to swim.) Back to the concert...she danced and laughed until the 2nd Jo Bro song then she just completely pooped out. Edgar had training all last week...therefore, working days...he was exhausted from the schedule change...tons of screaming girls...time to go. We got to see about 5 songs...All I can say...Jo Bros OK...Jordan Sparks AMAZING!

The painful part....WARNING glass water globes(for plants) are dangerous to your health. Wednesday morning, yes concert day, I was filling the office globe and putting it back into the plant when...my thumb went right through the glass. I ended up getting 4 nice deep stiches at the base of my right thumb. AND a tetnus shot...sucked big time. The spot where I got the shot hurts more then the stiches, that is until I do something stupid with my right hand.

Much Love,
Roni