What to Say

Well, first off the anniversary. I intended to work through it and try my best not to really acknowledge it as a major date. The cold I picked up from everyone in my office and Sophia had other ideas. I spent Thursday afternoon and Friday aching with the head cold. Thank you to everyone who called or texted us on Friday. It meant a lot. I can not believe the year has passed without Natalia physically present with us. I feel her presence everyday I just can't touch her. That hurts bad but I was prepared for the feelings of loss on the 26Th so it wasn't like her birthday when I fell apart. Sophia and I watched High School Musical 3 that night(one of the last movies Natalia saw in the theater) while Edgar went to the Strikeforce event at the Savemert Center.

A huge thank you to everyone who came to our Housewarming on Saturday. It was so incredible to be able to share our blessings with you all. To give you all our heartfelt thanks for being there with us through our ups and downs of the last couple of years. We were finally able to have most all of you in one place and let you know how important you have been in our lives. Thank you for your support and warmth that helped us to survive and thrive despite the odds. It meant more to us then you can know, to be able to open our home and share. It was the balm for our souls during what might have been another time of grief. Natalia would have loved it...in fact she did!

Much Love,
Roni

Some Anniversaries Suck

March 26th is looming in the air. Friday will be the one year anniversary of losing Natalia. Thank you God that this one is SO FAR not hitting as bad as her birthday. Maybe it is because we had those weeks leading up to her death to resolve ourselves to it. Losing her hurt beyond belief but we were at peace about letting her go. It is much easier to face her death then it is her birth. I was prepared by fire for her death. I had eleven months to come to terms with the fact that my oldest baby was not meant for this Earth. She was meant to be with God and was just completing what she had been sent to this Earth to do. I still cry about it. I still have to take that moment and Breath Deep when I pull out some of her clothes out of the "next in line" (sounds better then hand me down) box. Right now that is what crushes me the most. Natalia was 5 when she wore these clothes and I can see her in them as plain as day when I hold them up. Memories come crashing down around me and Sophia finds me in her closet balling me eyes out. The good thing is that Pia knows that it is happy memories that are making me cry. Pia calls these clothes her "PUNK" clothes because Natalia always called her punk. The "PUNK" clothes make her happy because it shows her how much she has grown. That she is getting bigger bigger like sissy. The minute Sophia puts one of the pieces on it becomes hers. She just wears them so differently then Natalia did and it adds yet another happy memory to help ease the bad ones.

Puppy update...we've had Coco for 2 weeks now...she is already as tall as Redd and is sooooo Edgar's dog. When I say bed time Redd shots straight up to his bed...not Coco. She won't go to bed until Edgar does. She'll even come downstairs when he gets home at night for cuddle time. Redd just looks down the stairs to be sure it's him then goes right back to his bed. Our biggest problem right now...Edgar dug up the area for our patio yesterday...I'm sure you can guess the dogs favorite place to play. What was I doing when he was digging? I was shampooing our carpets!!!!! Needless to say there is a towel by the back door and BOTH dogs get wiped down from head to toe. Redd is also teaching Coco the art of home protection at which he exceeds. His bark is deep and mean sounding...she sounds like a squeek toy with serious game. His growl is vicious and frightening to behold...she sounds like a squeek toy, with teeth that can do serious damage poking out. I give her another month before she is taller then him but he will still have her beat in length and muscle. The great thing with the size of our yard is that Redd has become majorly fit and now, so will Coco.

Much Love,
Roni

Life Happens

Well, I am once again gainfully employed. I got an awesome job. Natalia was whispering in God's ear, helping make sure that this opportunity came about. I am the new Assistant Director of Career Services at Kaplan College-Fresno. I am extremely excited about this challenge. Our department assists students in finding employment after they finish their course study. We give them the tools they need to find jobs throughout their lives. I love it! A huge plus are the hours...can't beat 8-5 M-F. It is very important to have a set schedule when your husband has a rotating schedule. That way Sophia's life is not upset.

I do have a lot to say...I just can't figure out how to say it right now. And as I don't feel like crying overly much this evening it will have to wait. Pia is having a bad "Missing Sissy" night. Sophia doesn't get hit hard often with them but when they do massive tears fall and it just breaks your heart in millions of pieces. She is so happy 95% of the time that the sad times are intense.

Why Sophia is the balance in all this:
Papa "Sophia stop whining. There is nothing worse then you whining!"
Sophia "Yes, there is. I could be crying!"

Princess Pia..."I'm not a baby or kid. I'm a half adult."

Much Love,
Roni