Faith

I came to a realization yesterday at the car wash...I give a incredible amount testimony to the Grace and Power of God. Before Natalia's diagnosis I was hard pressed to give testimony. I just don't like talking to strangers. And I really don't like talking about something very personal to me but over the past nine months that is exactly what I have been doing. Kind of like Jonah, the faith and the desire was there but I needed to be drug kicking and screaming to spread my faith. I spoke to several women about God at the Red Carpet yesterday. Sophia was talking to another little girl and let out that her sister was home sick with cancer. The "oh, I'm so sorries" started and then we all began to talk about miracles and the power of prayer. We stood in a circle and said prayer there in front of the popcorn cart and it was wonderful. I have met so many believers in our journey but I think we effect the non-believers more than anything. Our faith has been tested, but it is only growing stronger...the message, everyday is a miracle and it is to be treasured. People always say to us miracles do happen...our answer is everyday is that miracle. You can always find some joy in every single day. It can be as simple as a beautiful flower out your front door or as big as getting that job you wanted. For us it is the fact that no matter what has gone on medically, Natalia is home with us. The girls laugh and play, they fight like only sisters can, the smile that Edgar and I share...these are miracles that happen all the time right before our eyes.

I get angry when other parents tell me how strong we are for not curling up in a ball and crying...not going on and living life to it's fullest. The sheer frustration wells up at not being able to yell..."wake up" you are good parents put your faith in God and know that no matter what happens He is with you. This blog has become my outlet because with Natalia not being able to go out and about we are chained to the house most of the time. Adult conversation happens at work and that is definitely not the place to let out feelings. We have met some incredible people on this journey and you need to know how wonderful you are. I can not remember the names of many of these people but what I do remember is faces and deeds that have helped to lift our burden. One small act of kindness that might seem like nothing to them meant the world to us. It lets me know that in everyone there is the capacity to do wondrous things. I just want you all to know that while I do wish any of you to have to go through what we are, you are all capable of it. It is amazing what mountains can move with God's help. You just have to have faith...in yourself...in others...and most important in God.

We are leaving for San Francisco today. Yeah...it is 20 degrees warmer there then here in Fresno. Usually, it is 20 degrees cooler. Tomorrow morning is Natalia's surgery to put in her permanent port. Miracle...3 months ago they wouldn't consider it because they didn't think she would be here. Well, little miss is tired of getting poked twice every two weeks for blood work and then then chemo. It is time for some relief.

Much love to you all,
Roni